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Thursday, January 8, 2026

Grief, Gratitude, and a Quiet Kind of Love

 Grief, Gratitude, and a Quiet Kind of Love


There is one aspect of Stoicism that still surprises me. Not in theory, but in how it is perceived by others.


When someone I love dies, whether human or animal, I do not fall apart in the way many expect. I feel sadness, of course, but it is not consuming. What rises first in me is gratitude. Gratitude that our paths crossed at all. Gratitude for the love shared, the time given, the memories that remain untouched by death.


My faith plays a quiet but steady role in this. I believe deeply that those I love are now at peace and in a place more beautiful than anything we know here. That belief does not erase grief. It softens it. It allows me to hold loss without feeling abandoned by life.


This way of grieving has led some to label me as cold or unfeeling. That hurts more than they might realize. Not because their opinions shake me, but because they misunderstand my heart.


I feel deeply. I love fiercely. I simply do not resist what cannot be changed. Stoicism has taught me that grief does not need to be loud to be real. It does not need to consume us to honor love. Acceptance is not indifference. It is respect for the natural order of life and death.


I do not grieve less. I grieve differently.


What looks like calm is not absence of feeling. It is a choice to let grief move through me instead of define me. It is the courage to love fully while knowing nothing is permanent. And perhaps most of all, it is the peace that comes from trusting that love never truly ends, it only changes form.


Friday, January 2, 2026

Lost Highway 84: My First Off Road Adventure Ever

 


Lost Highway 84: My First Off Road Adventure Ever



The year did not ease in quietly.

It arrived on sand, sunlight, and a stretch of coastline called Lost Highway 84.


This was not just my first off road trip of 2026.

It was my first off road adventure ever in Little Ricky.


The idea began quietly, the way good adventures often do. While exploring routes on the onX app, I stumbled across an off road section tracing the Gulf shoreline. It looked doable. Inviting. Just adventurous enough to make my heart beat a little faster.


I first mentioned it to our then neighbors and now friends, Jenn and Todd, asking if they would be willing to give it a try with us. They were in without hesitation. Later, at dinner with our Renegade friends Michelle, Craig, Sammi, and John, the idea came up again. Their response was immediate. That sounds fun. And just like that, a casual thought turned into a plan.


Five vehicles lined up on the sand. Four Jeeps and one Bronco. Everyone but me clearly knew what they were doing. This became apparent almost immediately when everyone else confidently rolled out in two wheel drive, while I engaged four wheel drive and stayed there very comfortably.


Let’s just say confidence levels varied, and mine came with a little extra traction.


I was driving at the back when I noticed the others suddenly pulling over. From a distance, I could see something large rolling on the beach near the waterline. My imagination immediately went into overdrive. In my mind, we had a washed up baby whale.


Without hesitation, I pulled over, grabbed my gloves, and ran toward the group fully prepared for a rescue.


Well. There was nothing to rescue.


What we had actually found was a washed up, bloated wild boar. Definitely not a whale. Definitely very dead. And there I stood, gloves on, heart in the right place, feeling just a little bit silly. The good news is that everyone was kind about it and I got a good laugh at myself. Apparently my compassion sometimes arrives faster than my common sense.


Communication turned out to be another learning moment. We had phones, but no cell service. Lost Highway 84 lived up to its name and reminded us that once you are out there, you are really out there. It made staying together feel important and grounding.


The Gulf Coast showed up in all its understated beauty. Endless sky. Rolling water. Tire tracks weaving through pale sand. We stopped often, sometimes for photos, sometimes just to stand there and breathe it all in. There was laughter, hand signals, and the kind of easy camaraderie that does not require constant conversation.


Off roading, I quickly learned, is not about bravado. It is about awareness. About respecting the terrain, trusting your vehicle, and knowing when to take it slow. Lost Highway 84 turned out to be the perfect classroom. Wide, forgiving, and honest.


Nature, as always, had the final word.



Why This Matters



By the time we turned back, something had shifted. Not dramatically. Not loudly. But quietly and for good.


This mattered because it was my first time trusting myself in a new way. Because I found the route, suggested the idea, and followed it through. Because I did not need to be the most confident or experienced to belong. I just needed to be willing.


It mattered because learning does not stop when we think it should. Because trying something new does not require perfection, only participation. And because sometimes growth looks like staying in four wheel drive while others do not, and being perfectly okay with that.


It also mattered because it reminded me that showing up with a willing heart, even with gloves on for a rescue that does not exist, is never something to be embarrassed about.


My first Jeep off road trip of 2026.

My first off road adventure ever in Little Ricky.

And a reminder that courage often arrives disguised as curiosity and sometimes a slightly overactive imagination.


Here’s to lost highways, patient friends, and the joy of being a beginner.


Grief, Gratitude, and a Quiet Kind of Love

  Grief, Gratitude, and a Quiet Kind of Love There is one aspect of Stoicism that still surprises me. Not in theory, but in how it is perc...